I don't like being disturbed when I'm in my elements unless it's Mr.Piroshky. However I hate it when he casually starts his monologue expecting me to wait on him and latch on like a leech to his punctured wounds that he openly flails for me and the world to see. And tonight as we share my spot on the hillside watching the sun set over the majestic Olympic range, I turn just quite to hear him out.
spellbound
The Pledge
"Did you ever realize the paradoxical beauty of impossibility!?"
As strange as he is, there's always a cryptic section in his rant that attracts me to him. As usual, the message flies over my head but I'm too shameful to admit it, so I nod along.
"It is the same stretch of a thin line that separates you between the yin and yang of existence which defines the difference between the possible and impossible. Which side would you rather prefer to stand by Mr.Venky he enquires"
I didn’t quite get it but it only seemed plausible that it would make sense to go for the side which guaranteed success or in a variable sense, a better probability of happen chance. So I say out loud “ Of course, the one where I win”
So without blinking an eye, he shouts "Aha, you fell for the trap my ever confused amigo"
I roll my eyes and continue scribbling in my sketchbook wondering how on earth I could ever do justice to a sunset on paper with half assed skills and monochromatic ink!?
The Turn
"Don't you see it!? Why are you being blind on purpose he asks; visibly distraught and hurt at my apathy and inaneness. Blergh...you dispassionate fool! Think about this for a moment; have you ever wanted something really bad, so bad that it had the power to crush sleep to dust upon which your tears and sweat watered those dreams? And yet, day after day, you went on with an impossible hope of seeing those evasive fruits blossom"
He caught your attention too, didn’t he!? He does it so easily, you cannot explain why or how but he does.
I now gave him my full attention and yes there were months when I chased impossible dreams without ever knowing if they’d see fruition. Why!? Hope! That’s why. And some kept me awake for months holding me in an ugly choke that I willingly gave myself into. Would I do that again? I realized that I had stayed silent for a while which I did not realize until he laughed knowing he had me.
The Prestige
I answered in a voice uncertain yet coated with guilty sarcasm,
“So what!? I’ve had those days of desperation; just like any normal person would” Would I want them again!? No, thank you; I’m happy being sane".
And this was the first time I got whacked in the head and could do nothing but watch this old dude in shock, shell out underrated and unfiltered literature for free.
“The unthinkable yet defining times are those that build the strongest part of you; the sleepless nights when your brain is burning up like the core of a star being yanked by the forces of stray thought trains helplessly, you’re climaxing your way to becoming a supernova. Do not treat this as suffering but of the building up of something beyond you! This is when you help nurse those energies with blind faith in the impossible so your suffering does not die out in vain but become something bigger, better and beautiful. Savor these times, smile through the pain and confusion while you delve a little deeper untangling the chaos day by day. I’d rather see you become a life-long chaser of impossibility than a subsistential robot thriving in a maze of possibilities. Do not be afraid of darkness when you are chasing light, for you are nothing now but a spark in this cosmic fire. Smile while you ride this wild horse and you shall set the forest ablaze than die groaning helplessly by the fireside”
Did all of that make sense or was I just giddy being overwhelmed at the coppery tingles his words left on my tongue?
I leave that you to figure out; and as for me, I get back to my sketch sheepishly smiling whilst shivering in delight to the crisp fingers of the evening wind.
mountains in a box
Hope was yet alive;
alive in my feeble attempts to grasp the truth
&
in every ravishing shade of my pride.
alive in every sun that set on this horizon
&
the spatter of a million colored chaos.
alive in the calm ripples that always ensued
&
the solemn shadows that follow you home.
hope